I recently read an article that was titled, “Why we don’t have to win every argument.” When I saw that title I was intrigued. If you’d like to read it you can click here. I like what was written there and agree with many of the thoughts. Yet as I read it my thought turned and I decided to take a different approach… which in reality support much of that article. So now for my thoughts…
When we get into a fight or disagreement with someone, what is our #1 priority? I don’t know about you… but I want to WIN! In order to win I have used logic, volume, trickery, and passion… if I thought it would help my case. But looking back, a lot of the times I thought I won I actually lost.
Here are a few thoughts that hopefully will lead to being able to win every argument you ever have.
The short answer is: Redefine what “winning” means. Now for the explanation.
Winning means being convinced when you are right (Romans 14:5). There are times we need to be unmovable… unwilling to compromise. But pick and choose those times carefully because if we are that way about everything, we set ourelves up to be wrong… a lot.
Winning is being confident when we are right. We can’t let a person who disagrees with us get under our skin. When I know I’m right, those who oppose me are not a threat. But when I’m uncertain, I get defensive when someone disagrees with me. It’s not a win if we blow our stack as we discuss a matter… regardless of who’s right.
Winning means coming to truth when we realize we are wrong. No one knows everything. Therefore, moving from not knowing or believing the truth TO knowing and believing the truth is a win.
Winning doesn’t mean convincing the other person we are right. It is impossible for some people to ever admit they are wrong. Sometimes we just have to let them continue in their ignorance. Like the country preacher said, “They ain’t made a stick big enough to beat up ignorance.”
Winning doesn’t require destroying the person we disagree with. If we do that, we lose. There is nothing wrong with allowing the person who disagrees with us to save face.
Winning means choosing what is worth arguing over and what isn’t. Some things just aren’t all that important… so why argue over them?
Winning sometimes means allowing for both parties to continue to hold their beliefs… even if they are in opposition… inorder to maintain the relationship with the person.
Winning means being willing for the disagreement not to be resolved in just one meeting. It might take time and several discussions before the matter is resolved. Be patient.
Winning means letting God change the other person’s mind according to His time. That is not something we either can, or should, try to do. We can trust Him to change opinions if they need to be changed. We can wait for Him to do His work. We don’t have to always have our own way. We can set aside lesser things for His sake. We can seek the good of those with whom we disagree. We can work together for the sake of The Kingdom.
I hope these help. Now if I can just remember them all the next time I find myself disagreeing with someone!