The Process of Forgiving

Q: Has anyone ever wounded, hurt, or offended you… DEEPLY. There is a difference between a slight & a wound. Slights are easily overlooked (Pr 19:11), “Good sense makes one slow to anger, & it is his glory to overlook an offense.”

Illustration: A lady in a church I served asked a question after a message on forgiveness. She said her husband was transporting a prisoner who got out of his handcuffs… handcuffed him to a tree… and executed him. Then she asked,

I know I’m supposed to forgive… & I want to forgive. But I can’t bring myself to do it. What he did was too horrible, painful, traumatic, and hurtful. You said if we don’t forgive then we may not have been forgiven. What do I do?

Aside: Miroslav Volf (Croatian theologian, family killed b/c of ethnic origin) wrote, “If you can forgive easily you haven’t been wounded deeply.” More about Ms. Kathryn…

We can say things beyond us. I realized after responding to her I had been prompted by the Spirit to give this answer because I’m not that wise or smart. As best I can remember I said…

Ms. Kathryn, I don’t think you have anything to worry about regarding your salvation. If you refused to forgive, then I’d be worried. The fact that you want to forgive is credible proof you ARE saved. Remember the dad whose son was demon possessed? The boy would foam at the mouth & jump into fire? Jesus told him everything is possible for those who believe. The dad said, “I believe; HELP MY UNBELIEF!?” (Mk 9:24). Ms. Kathryn, you are in the process of forgiving a deep wound. There is nothing wrong w/ asking God to help you grow in forgiveness until you have forgiven him…

This affirms the earlier quote, “If you can forgive easily you haven’t been wounded deeply.” The kind of forgiveness we will consider is not the easy kind. Let’s ponder that forgiving a deep wound is more a PROCESS than an event (Repeat). But before we go there, let’s think…

As always, Scripture is our guide. But there’s a problem, we are spiritually blind. Just because we read the Bible doesn’t mean we will embrace or understand God’s truth. It’s more “complicatedly simple.” Let me explain…

God must help us or we’ll never see truth. Remember Jesus’ Q? “Who do men say I am?” Peter said, “You are the Christ. The Son of the Living God.” Then Jesus said, “Blessed are you Simon for flesh & blood did not reveal this to you but My Father who is in heaven…” Key is God’s revelation!

The trouble with forgiving (Message title) is it doesn’t come natural. Forgiving those who have wounded us is contrary to our nature. But, not forgiving is an offense to God. We need God’s help! So what do we do? Let’s consider a few things Jesus said about forgiving…

Mt 6:15, If you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses Lk 6:37, Forgive, and you will be forgiven

Those are not words we can debate or question are they? But we accept and embrace them. Jesus is NOT saying being forgiven is based on forgiving others. Jesus’ words are not PRESCRIPTIVE, they are DESCRIPTIVE. (Pause) What? Let me explain…

When a person forgives AS JESUS DID (Absolutely, completely, totally), it is proof that they have been forgiven! (Repeat) The ability to forgive others is the result (recognition & embracing) of God forgiving us of MUCH greater offenses toward Him than anything anyone could do to us.

If/when a person will not forgive (Regardless of the offense) it is a strong indicator they have not been forgiven. If they have been forgiven, they can’t do anything BUT forgive others! The point is my offenses toward God are greater than ANYTHING anyone could ever do to me. Since God has forgiven me, who am I not to forgive anyone for anything done to me?! (PAUSE)

And it is here we must u’stand the process… the progression… regarding forgiveness & the Christian life. Aside: When saved we don’t automatically become 100% holy… we grow into it, culminating in heaven. In the same way, forgiveness of deep wounds is a process, a progression, that eventually IS complete. Keep that in mind as we continue…

Listen to the Spirit from the Apostles. The next passages are descriptive, not prescriptive. To get that backwards is dangerous!

1 Jn 2:9 Whoever says he is in the light & hates his brother is still in darkness (Not saved). 11 Whoever hates his brother is in the darkness & walks in the darkness, & does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes. (Unforgiveness exposes the heart’s true condition: Unsaved)

1 Jn 3:15 Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. (Again: Revelation, exposing the heart’s true condition)

1 Jn 4:20 If anyone says, “I love God,” & hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. 21 And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God MUST also love his brother.

Eph 4:31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor & slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

When a person is saved, they realize the depth and seriousness of the sin God has forgiven them. That transforms the heart. They cannot help but forgive others the much lesser offenses compared to their own. A person’s forgiveness is the motivation to forgive others!! If God forgiving me doesn’t result in forgiving others, I am spitting in His face.

Now let’s apply forgiveness. First, did we learn to tie our shoes by reading about it? Can you bake a cake by just reading a cookbook? Well, the same thing is true about forgiving! We put it into practice. But God won’t allow His children to fail to forgive! (Ro 8:29! Phil 1:6, 2:13!)

The carryover from this morning is this: In EVERY child of God HE is willing & working for His good pleasure (Phil 1:6, 2:13) which IS conformity to Christ (Ro 8:29) & He assures success! Ro 12:14…

Bless those who persecute you; bless & do not curse them. 19 Never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Mt 5:43 You have heard it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor & hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies & pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven.

Jn 13:34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. 35 By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. 15:12 This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.

Here’s the process: Truth… heart… DO… Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat… Mt 18:21-22

Peter… said to Jesus, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.” Lk 17:3 “Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, 4 and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

Yes, read God’s truth often! Yes, push it deep into your heart, pray. Put love into practice as Jesus said & Paul wrote! And keep on doing it… relying on the Spirit for help! Hard? NO! 1 Jn 5:3, “For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome.”

CCL: Are you forgiven? If you are, you will forgive others. Is there someone who wounded you deeply against whom you carry a grudge or resentment? If so, make a conscious choice tonight to show everyone you ARE a son of God (Mt 5:45) by loving that person. Feed them. Give them drink. Pray for their blessing. And leave the rest in God’s hands.

Maybe you’re like the lady I mentioned earlier… Ms. Kathryn. The hurt in your past is so deep you need help. Then ask from Jesus what the demon possessed boy’s dad ask, “HELP MY UNBELIEF!”

Are you not willing to forgive? Can I suggest God is then revealing to you a serious heart condition only He can heal? Come to Christ repenting…