At the time of this writing (6/16/11), Rep. Weiner is supposed to publicly vacate his seat in Congress at a 2:00 PM press conference. This is the result of inappropriate texting and sending lewd pictures to women over three years… and lying about it to the nation for over a week. He did the right thing by confessing his failure publicly and… hopefully today at 2:00… the right thing by resigning his congressional seat. Now…
Think of his wife Huma Abedin… who is carrying his child… what is she to do?
Keep in mind this perspective is written by a Southern Baptist Pastor with an opion that is decidedly from a Biblical viewpoint. Also, there is no way to deal with all the nuances of facilitating the healing of a relationship that has been damaged to this degree. So here are a few thoughts simply for consideration…
For Christians (Mr. Weiner is Jewish), forgiveness is not an option… what comes after is. For everyone, forgiveness is a process… not an event. If a person can forgive quickly and easily, they have not been wounded deeply. For Christians, the ultimate goal is restoration of the relationship to honor God. This can take place even though a divorce might occur.
Scripture is clear about discerning genuine sorrow (Repentance) versus false sorrow regarding one who has sinned (Wounded) someone. CLICK HERE and scroll down to the explanation of 2 Cor 7:9-11. When there is a deep wound between spouses, here are some things to consider as part of the healing process. (Also CLICK HERE for a very good article about “Unrepentant Repentance”).
Confession and repentance of sin first to God (For breaking His Commands) and then to others who’ve been wounded by their sin. Here I suggest a thorough study of Psalm 51 which is David’s prayer after his adultery with Bathsheba was exposed. I would also suggest a thorough study of 1 Cor 13:1-7.
An appropriate time of healing determined by offended spouse. In the book Torn Asunder: Recovering From An Extra-Marital Affair by Dave Carder the appropriate amount is usually the length of time the affair was unknown by the offended party. If the affair came to light 3 years from when it began, it will take about 3 years for healing to be completed.
The offended spouse should be able to check the spouse’s phone, email, and text messages anytime of the day or night.
The offended spouse should be able go through personal items (Wallet, purse, and/or car) anytime of day or night.
The offended spouse should be able to ask where the offending spouse will be… with whom… and verify it.
The offending spouse should submit to reasonable expectations/requirements of the offended spouse for the marriage to be healed (An objective third party counselor should be involved here so that the expectations aren’t unreasonable.).
Most important… both spouses should, no MUST… focus on a right relationship with God through Jesus Christ. That is the only way genuine reconciliation… forgiveness… and restoration will take place that honor’s God. Only when a person’s walk with God can or will other things work out rightly.