It’s hard to forgive… When a person doesn’t ask for forgivenness. When a person doesn’t realize they need to ask for forgiveness. When a person doesn’t care that their conduct needs to be forgiven. When a person doesn’t care whether or not they are forgiven. When a person knows that what they have done has caused hurt and/or pain yet they keep on doing it. That is when forgiving a person is hard.
Whatever happens, conduct yourself in a manner worthy of the Gospel of Christ. Philippians 1:27
But God didn’t say to forgive only when people felt bad about what they have done. He didn’t say to forgive someone only if/when they ask for forgiveness. He didn’t say to forgive only when people realize they need to be forgiven. He didn’t say to forgive only when people deserve to be forgiven.
Whatever happens, conduct yourself in a manner worthy of the Gospel of Christ. Philippians 1:27
There are times forgiveness is right whether a person asks for it or not. There are times forgiveness is right whether a person realizes or not they need to be forgiven. There are times forgiveness is right even when a person doesn’t care that they need to be forgiven. There are times forgiveness is right even though people intend to hurt and do us harm continually.
Whatever happens, conduct yourself in a manner worthy of the Gospel of Christ. Philippians 1:27
Anger and bitterness is a poison coctail we drink hoping others will die. Anger and bitterness are distilled from an unforgiving heart. An unwillingness to forgive exposes a heart that is at best in rebellion to God.
Whatever happens, conduct yourself in a manner worthy of the Gospel of Christ. Philippians 1:27
If we are able to forgive a person easily or quickly then we have not been deeply wounded. Forgiveness for deep hurts and pains take place over time. Forgiving someone who has caused real emotional trauma is a process and not something that can be done easily. At the same time forgiveness is the only option Christians have when they are hurt or wronged.
Forgiveness is so important that Jesus said if you are in the middle of worshpping God and remember that there is something between you and someone else… leave your gift (Interrupt worship!)… go to the person to work things out… THEN come back and continue worshipping. This is found in Matthew 5:23-24. I guess Jesus was pretty serious about us forgivnig each other huh?
Who do you need to forgive? Or maybe a better question is, “Who do you not want to forgive?” That person is probably the one God wants us to forgive first (See Matthew 5:23-24 again).
Ron, your blog has prompted something I have discussed more than a few times with my own congregation: do we forgive an unrepentant sinner?
Or, another way of wording it, it is possible for a Christian to remain fully obedient to Scripture, with kindness and tenderheartedness, loving his enemy as himself, and yet at the same time not granting forgiveness to an unrepentant offender?
Yes, we are called to “love our enemies” even as Christ loves His enemies. At the same time, our forgiveness of others is likewise modeled after God’s forgiveness of sinners, whom he forgives conditioned upon their repentance. God does not forgive apart from repentance; neither should we. In major offenses, how do we forgive the unrepentant?
I would love to hear your response to both those questions.
Ryan,
Great thoughts and questions not easy to answer are indicators of those who are working their faith into more than just an intellectual exercise but rather experiential in nature. I’ll offer a couple of thoughts…
Do we forgive an unrepentant sinner? In one sense I think yes we are to do that as the story of Joseph from the OT suggests. When Joseph’s brothers who had trangressed against him in a significant manner stood in front of him, he stated (Regarding their sin), “Am I in the place of God?” Which meant that he was not the one to impose judgment upon them… only God had the right and ability to do that. They only asked for forgiveness by proxy… stating the lie that their father asked for forgiveness on their behalf. But the text never suggests they asked for forgiveness. Yet, in order for Joseph to provide for his brothers and their families required for him to have forgiven them (At least that is my view). I believe Joseph did forgive them because otherwise he could not have treated them with the love and inclusion that is recorded in the text. So do we forgive? Yes… but it is probably best termed that this is a faithful trust that God will deal with the individual(s) in His way in His time. Only be believing God will deal with them are we freed to follow Romans 12… “If you enemy is hungry, feed him. If he’s thirsty, give him something to drink.”
As to HOW we are to forgive? I suggest forgiveness for deep hurts and offenses is a process, not an event. When a person is hurt or wounded deeply, it takes time to forgive. If a person is able to forgive quickly or easily, they have not been significantly hurt. How do we forgive the deep hurts? Here are a few suggestions: 1) Remember the depth to which we have wounded God. 2) Remember that forgiveness requires sacrifice on our part {It required Jesus to pay the penalty for us to be forgiven. That means we will have to pay a cost to be able to forgive others.} 3) Forgiveness is a state we work toward, not something that just happens. As the man said to Jesus about having the faith for his child to be healed… “I believe… HELP MY UNBELIEF!” For me this means that I want to forgive… I’m trying to forgive… but at the same time I’m dealing with my unwillingness to forgive. It is then that I ask God for help in forgiving. “I want to forgive… help my unforgiveness!” 4) By an act of the will we do two things… A) We don’t take the opportunity to exact revenge when it presents it’s self {This is a temptation from Satan}, B) We treat the person as love would have us treat them, C) We pray and ask God to bless them, D) As we have opportunity we do good for and to the person.
I know that was lengthy, I hope it makes sense. What do you think about these suggestions?
Ron
I knew you would provide clarity. Amen! Well said. I am so glad that in Christ we have everything we need to forgive and to be forgiven.
Some very good thoughts on forgiveness Ron.
I wonder at times, however, about what Jesus was refering to in Luke 17:3. His statement begs the question “But what if my brother does not repent?”.
As you show in your illustration about Joseph, he certainly does forgive his brothers even though they did not specifically ask for it. However repentence as we understand it from the Luke 17 passage carries with it the idea of ‘changing ones mind or purpose’ (Gk – metanoeo).
I wonder if it might be said that Josephs brothers merited forgiveness based on a change of mind that may have been evident in thier overall attitude, a hint of which may be expressed in Genesis 50:18.
Luke 17:3 has me asking the question “Could it be possible that we at times extend forgiveness to brothers who, by thier attitude and actions, are not changing thier mind or purpose about any of those sins that Jesus is aluding to?” Could it be that, by way of example, those who cause divisions amoung believers and continue to do so with impunity are those we are to resist forgiving (releasing)until there is a change of mind?
Just a thought.
Brian
Brian,
Thank you for your comment, it is obvious that you think as you read. I’d like to offer a few thoughts myself.
From experience I have found that if I wait till people ask… it will be a long time before I forgive. If I wait till they are “genuinely repentant,” it will be even longer before I forgive. In the meantime, until they ask or are genuinely repentant, the unforgiveness in my spirit will be eating away at me. So it is better for me… not to mention being obedient to the Scriptures… that I forgive, PERIOD.
If I do not forgive, then a root of bitterness and anger rises up in me. That will lead to a desire to in some manner exact revenge (Even if it is a disdainful look that lets the person know of my anger toward them). My attitude toward the person then becomes a poison cocktail that I (!) drink hoping THEY will die.
As for those in the church you mention, I think there is a difference between forgiving and what you may be thinking about which some would call discipline. Even on that level Galatians 6:1-2 is my standard (Restoration… looking to myself first).
Hope that makes sense! Blessings to you…
Ron
My experience of waiting for repentence is the same as yours! And so I think you’re right. To guard ones own heart and embrace the broader teaching on forgiveness it is important to release the person and leave the rest to God.
Your comment about the poison of unforgiveness is appropriately graphic.
Brian